Assalam alaykum.
Today I went to the airport to pick up mom, dad and 2 brothers. While waiting for them to clear customs, I drank a thick frothy milkshake and ate a delicious muffin. I'm still thinking about how awesome they were right now.
Then we drove to the house that they're staying at and then we went out for dinner where a meal cost AUD20 a plate. Good food comes with a price. Actually no, scratch that. The milkshake and the muffin beat the AUD20 plate of biryani hands down. Biryani, you are so over rated :b
I got some groceries for my house and then they sent me home. I was having a headache the whole time, so after I showered I took a nap. BUT, I had to get up because my friends came home and they didn't have a key. They were talking in the backyard so I could hear them but I secretly wished that they disappeared (I am mean that way). They got smart though and called out my name...that was when I realised I should probably stop pretending that I couldn't hear them and open the door instead.
Here I am, sleepless again. You disappoint me, you know that? It's like running the race of your life just to realise that the big finish, the big prize is a crappy rusty medal from 1956.
I want another milkshake and muffin combo. Who's with me?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Foto Friday
I shall expand Foto Friday. It will no longer be limited to photographs but also situational snapshots of my Fridays.
Today, I talked to a friend about Khutbah during Jummah. He insists that it should be done in Arabic, as this was the way it was done during the Prophet's (SAW) time. He sent me this link: http://books.themajlis.net/node/45
I asked several others about their opinions and basically, there are more people who believe that it is not a MUST to do it in Arabic because it would be pointless if noone in the masjid understood a word that was being said.
What language is your Jummah Khutbah delivered in?
Do you feel that having the khutbah in Arabic is a must/ provide both Arabic & native language/ any language is OKAY?
Today, I talked to a friend about Khutbah during Jummah. He insists that it should be done in Arabic, as this was the way it was done during the Prophet's (SAW) time. He sent me this link: http://books.themajlis.net/node/45
I asked several others about their opinions and basically, there are more people who believe that it is not a MUST to do it in Arabic because it would be pointless if noone in the masjid understood a word that was being said.
What language is your Jummah Khutbah delivered in?
Do you feel that having the khutbah in Arabic is a must/ provide both Arabic & native language/ any language is OKAY?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Moderate Mainstream Muslims
Are you an MMM?
Here's a checklist to help you decide if you're an MMM:
1) You don't pray 5 times a day.
2) You eat anywhere, as long as it's not pork.
3) You have an 'English' name.
4) You are a social drinker.
5) You enjoy clubbing on the weekends.
6) Girls: The school uniform is a blouse and skirt. You make sure your skirt is at least 5 inches above your knee. Guys: Tight shirts, shorts and a bottle of cologne.
7) You don't fast during Ramadan. You're not ready for it yet. But you celebrate Eid like everyone else.
8) Every Friday, you leave office early. As the others head to masjids for Jummah, you go for lunch.
9) You believe in Darwin's Theory of Evolution.
10) You skip Tarawih to head to the nightly Ramadan Bazaar.
11) You skip Eid prayers to get ready and look nice in your Eid clothes.
12) Before you are married, you take wedding pictures with your spouse. You think it's ok to take hijab off and pose with your cheek touching his.
13) You think anyone mentioning 'Free Palestine' is a radical Muslim.
14) The only time you ever entered a Masjid was during a school trip.
15) You like being called a Moderate Muslim.
BULL I TELL YA.
Is there such a thing as being a 'moderate muslim'? I'm sick of that term being used. Ya, compromise your religion so you can be MAINSTREAM. The government wants to reduce religious tension and coins up this derogatory term, encouraging muslims to take their religiousness down a notch so that it won't scare the non muslims. Give me a break. What a shame when I hear Muslims with political power spouting the same phrase. Ah, the things you do for power and cold hard cash.
A muslim who practices his Deen faithfully is NOT a radical Muslim. He is a GOOD muslim. A moderate mainstream muslim is just someone who wants to fit in among the non muslims.
Here's a checklist to help you decide if you're an MMM:
1) You don't pray 5 times a day.
2) You eat anywhere, as long as it's not pork.
3) You have an 'English' name.
4) You are a social drinker.
5) You enjoy clubbing on the weekends.
6) Girls: The school uniform is a blouse and skirt. You make sure your skirt is at least 5 inches above your knee. Guys: Tight shirts, shorts and a bottle of cologne.
7) You don't fast during Ramadan. You're not ready for it yet. But you celebrate Eid like everyone else.
8) Every Friday, you leave office early. As the others head to masjids for Jummah, you go for lunch.
9) You believe in Darwin's Theory of Evolution.
10) You skip Tarawih to head to the nightly Ramadan Bazaar.
11) You skip Eid prayers to get ready and look nice in your Eid clothes.
12) Before you are married, you take wedding pictures with your spouse. You think it's ok to take hijab off and pose with your cheek touching his.
13) You think anyone mentioning 'Free Palestine' is a radical Muslim.
14) The only time you ever entered a Masjid was during a school trip.
15) You like being called a Moderate Muslim.
BULL I TELL YA.
Is there such a thing as being a 'moderate muslim'? I'm sick of that term being used. Ya, compromise your religion so you can be MAINSTREAM. The government wants to reduce religious tension and coins up this derogatory term, encouraging muslims to take their religiousness down a notch so that it won't scare the non muslims. Give me a break. What a shame when I hear Muslims with political power spouting the same phrase. Ah, the things you do for power and cold hard cash.
A muslim who practices his Deen faithfully is NOT a radical Muslim. He is a GOOD muslim. A moderate mainstream muslim is just someone who wants to fit in among the non muslims.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
This is My Hijab
(@ Saafir's suggestion. A good reminder for me and everyone else. It says "Let's embrace hijab"....yeah, boys, you too :D navel to knee okay?)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Of towels and curtains
I promise that this is my last post for today.
Yesterday, Mr Atheist said I should stop wearing towels on my head and clothes that look like curtains.
Yesterday, Mr Atheist said I should stop wearing towels on my head and clothes that look like curtains.
BOYS <3
It seems like I have caused an uproar over the post about Words. I made the boys sad ):
Do you know, while growing up, I always wished I was a boy? I grew up with four boys and for awhile, I was denying the fact that I was turning into a lady. A cashier at the bookstore told my mom she was lucky to have 4 sons when my mom had brought my 3 younger brothers and I to get some books. My mom was perplexed as to how this lady knew that mom had 4 sons as only 3 were with her and her eldest son was at home. Then the cashier did a double take at me.
She thought I was a boy. My hair was short and I looked like a carbon copy of brother #2.
When I was still young, and didn't appreciate being a female, I told mom several times about my desire to have been born a male. I had several reasons and as the years passed, the reasons increased in number.
#1.My brothers always had the coolest toys.
I was stuck with the doll house, which wasn't so bad because my brothers and I could crash the toy trucks and demolish the house. What I couldn't accept was the fact that my aunts, unfailingly, managed to give me DOLLS every single year for my birthday until I turned 10. Not just ANY doll. NO SIR, they couldn't get me any normal Barbie...they had to get me one of those baby dolls that had eyes that could blink.
Those baby dolls were possessed I tell ya! I swore one night that I saw one of them blink at me from my window. Yes, I placed them on my window...they never got onto the bed. I was terrified of them and my brothers loved to throw the dolls at me, causing me to shriek and take cover behind the sofa.
The Barbie dolls that I did get somehow managed to survive various haircuts and operations my brothers and I carried out on them.
#2. When we played DOCTOR-PATIENT, I was always the doctor because I was not allowed to pull up my shirt and be the patient while playing with my male cousins. I thought it was incredibly unfair that I was stuck with the doctor role all the time...(ironic that I am actually in medical school now).
#3. My brothers are vain and they get away with it. They dress up real nice and they look 'smart'. If I put on anything that makes me look nice, I apparently just acquired a boyfriend. My aunties have vivid imaginations.
#4. Boys have convenient clothes. Give me a pair of pants NOW. I got grounded many times for refusing to wear dresses that mom bought for me.
#5. Most males are cool, calm and collected. I have never heard a single male gush or sound very excited about something. Emotions are always kept in check.
#6. I'd give anything to have the ability to hold back my tears until I reach the safety of the closet in my room. Boys are born with that ability.
#7. I'm TIRED. Boys are nice. So now can everyone chill?
Do you know, while growing up, I always wished I was a boy? I grew up with four boys and for awhile, I was denying the fact that I was turning into a lady. A cashier at the bookstore told my mom she was lucky to have 4 sons when my mom had brought my 3 younger brothers and I to get some books. My mom was perplexed as to how this lady knew that mom had 4 sons as only 3 were with her and her eldest son was at home. Then the cashier did a double take at me.
She thought I was a boy. My hair was short and I looked like a carbon copy of brother #2.
When I was still young, and didn't appreciate being a female, I told mom several times about my desire to have been born a male. I had several reasons and as the years passed, the reasons increased in number.
#1.My brothers always had the coolest toys.
I was stuck with the doll house, which wasn't so bad because my brothers and I could crash the toy trucks and demolish the house. What I couldn't accept was the fact that my aunts, unfailingly, managed to give me DOLLS every single year for my birthday until I turned 10. Not just ANY doll. NO SIR, they couldn't get me any normal Barbie...they had to get me one of those baby dolls that had eyes that could blink.
Those baby dolls were possessed I tell ya! I swore one night that I saw one of them blink at me from my window. Yes, I placed them on my window...they never got onto the bed. I was terrified of them and my brothers loved to throw the dolls at me, causing me to shriek and take cover behind the sofa.
The Barbie dolls that I did get somehow managed to survive various haircuts and operations my brothers and I carried out on them.
#2. When we played DOCTOR-PATIENT, I was always the doctor because I was not allowed to pull up my shirt and be the patient while playing with my male cousins. I thought it was incredibly unfair that I was stuck with the doctor role all the time...(ironic that I am actually in medical school now).
#3. My brothers are vain and they get away with it. They dress up real nice and they look 'smart'. If I put on anything that makes me look nice, I apparently just acquired a boyfriend. My aunties have vivid imaginations.
#4. Boys have convenient clothes. Give me a pair of pants NOW. I got grounded many times for refusing to wear dresses that mom bought for me.
#5. Most males are cool, calm and collected. I have never heard a single male gush or sound very excited about something. Emotions are always kept in check.
#6. I'd give anything to have the ability to hold back my tears until I reach the safety of the closet in my room. Boys are born with that ability.
#7. I'm TIRED. Boys are nice. So now can everyone chill?
Wasted.
Today I skipped uni.
Today I drank coffee at Dome, accompanying a friend who said she felt 'cranky'.
Today I let her come to my home and she sat at my table to study.
Today my friends from back home came to Perth and are staying at my house.
Today I found out that my family will be coming to Perth this weekend.
Today I had to tell my family to go stay at a hotel, because I have friends over.
Today I missed watching you getting that award.
Today I said things I wish I could take back.
Today I did many things I wish I could undo.
Today I did not study.
Today is wasted.
Today I drank coffee at Dome, accompanying a friend who said she felt 'cranky'.
Today I let her come to my home and she sat at my table to study.
Today my friends from back home came to Perth and are staying at my house.
Today I found out that my family will be coming to Perth this weekend.
Today I had to tell my family to go stay at a hotel, because I have friends over.
Today I missed watching you getting that award.
Today I said things I wish I could take back.
Today I did many things I wish I could undo.
Today I did not study.
Today is wasted.
They're only words.
Sticks and stones will break my bones but words can never hurt me.
** I have no idea who said that but,
1) He must have gone through some hard times to finally reach critical numb point.
2) Maybe he is in denial of his emotions.
3) Definitely male.
** NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
** I have no idea who said that but,
1) He must have gone through some hard times to finally reach critical numb point.
2) Maybe he is in denial of his emotions.
3) Definitely male.
** NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
Monday, May 25, 2009
ALLAH: Just a word or more than that?
Watch: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8065597.stm
(this video shows the priest leading his congregation in prayer)
In Malaysia, a catholic church is fighting for the right to use the word Allah in their prayers and bible. The Malaysian government has previously banned the church from using the term however they have gone against the ban and are now pursuing the matter in court.
The Malaysian government's main concern is that the church might confuse Muslims, especially those living in rural areas and that the church will try to propagate their religion.
I don't think they should be allowed to use that word because there are other words they can use such as Tuhan which is malay for God. Allah is primarily used by Muslims so I don't see why the church would all of a sudden want to be like the muslims.
Personally, I feel that they are just trying to stir up trouble, create religious tension.
What do you think? Should the catholic church be allowed to use the term 'Allah' ?
(this video shows the priest leading his congregation in prayer)
In Malaysia, a catholic church is fighting for the right to use the word Allah in their prayers and bible. The Malaysian government has previously banned the church from using the term however they have gone against the ban and are now pursuing the matter in court.
The Malaysian government's main concern is that the church might confuse Muslims, especially those living in rural areas and that the church will try to propagate their religion.
Personally, I feel that they are just trying to stir up trouble, create religious tension.
What do you think? Should the catholic church be allowed to use the term 'Allah' ?
Tagged by Malekat (:
1. Do you think you are hot?
No, it's winter right now. HAHA kidding, but my answer is still No.
2. Upload your favourite picture of you.
Maybe in the next century.
3. Why do you like that picture?
It's nice, wish I could use it for official identification.
4. When was the last time you ate pizza?
Sometime in March.
5. The last song you listened to?
A nasheed that's so awesome it's on repeat right now.
6. What are you doing right now besides this?
Smsing my mom trying to convince her not to come to Perth and to use that money for a shopping trip to Kuala Lumpur, discussing religion with a friend and listening to the awesome nasheed.
7. What name would you prefer besides yours?
Okay, I won't change my name but I like Iman and Jannah.
8. People to tag
Skipped..anyone who wants to do this.
9. Who is number 1?
10. Number 3 is having a relationship with?
11. Say something about number 5?
12. How about number 4?
13. Who is number two?
No, it's winter right now. HAHA kidding, but my answer is still No.
2. Upload your favourite picture of you.
Maybe in the next century.
3. Why do you like that picture?
It's nice, wish I could use it for official identification.
4. When was the last time you ate pizza?
Sometime in March.
5. The last song you listened to?
A nasheed that's so awesome it's on repeat right now.
6. What are you doing right now besides this?
Smsing my mom trying to convince her not to come to Perth and to use that money for a shopping trip to Kuala Lumpur, discussing religion with a friend and listening to the awesome nasheed.
7. What name would you prefer besides yours?
Okay, I won't change my name but I like Iman and Jannah.
8. People to tag
Skipped..anyone who wants to do this.
9. Who is number 1?
10. Number 3 is having a relationship with?
11. Say something about number 5?
12. How about number 4?
13. Who is number two?
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Primary follicles want to grow up
Yesterday, I found out that NH is pregnant with her second baby.
My uterus is aching.
Update: It's now 40 minutes past midnight. My uterus is no longer aching because I've just realised it was a really redundant thing to say. I ate a huge midnight snack and I blame winter. Winter makes me hungry at odd times. Winter makes me want to snuggle in bed. Winter makes it hard to study. 4 days left before my end of semester exam and I am still sketchy about details regarding the reproductive and renal systems. I love you winter, but sometimes you make it so difficult for me.
Now, I will go back to reading about Sertoli cells. 10 points for you if you can tell me what they do.
I sound like a game show.
Update: It's now 40 minutes past midnight. My uterus is no longer aching because I've just realised it was a really redundant thing to say. I ate a huge midnight snack and I blame winter. Winter makes me hungry at odd times. Winter makes me want to snuggle in bed. Winter makes it hard to study. 4 days left before my end of semester exam and I am still sketchy about details regarding the reproductive and renal systems. I love you winter, but sometimes you make it so difficult for me.
Now, I will go back to reading about Sertoli cells. 10 points for you if you can tell me what they do.
I sound like a game show.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Foto Friday
Update: We got snacks, bread and funky slipper socks in the City. My housemate thinks its a good idea to attach bells together with the furry balls already on the sock. Then, she wants to perform a dance for our other housemate. Did I mention that I live with wacky people?
My brothers covered the awrah of my baby Pooh. They gave him a skull cap and used a piece of cloth to make a pair of pants.I thought only girls did such things but apparently, boys find humor in such things too.
Angels & Demons: Science in the Quran
One of my previous posts showed statistical miracles in the Quran. Most of you would probably have gone "wow, that's cool" (I'm assuming here, please correct me if I am wrong) but someone shared with me a different perspective on the issue.
Angels & Demons is out in the theatres right now in Perth but I don't think I will be going to watch it. Movies based on books are always of a great disappointment to me.
Anyways, can Science and Religion co exist? I believe the answer is Yes.
But what about trying to find evidence of science IN religion?
Here is a different perspective on the issue(in dot points)...(I did not get permission to reproduce this perspective so yeah, I don't think the person minds though and yeah, I added some things on my own):
-Scientific theories are produced by Man.
-Thus, prone to error?
-Many scientific theories are now being disputed.
-Hence the danger of trying to find science in religion OR trying to say Look here, my theory is in the Quran therefore it MUST be right OR trying to translate the words of the Quran to fit the scientific theory.
-The Quran is a miracle in itself.
-Not written by Man.
-PERFECT, NO ERRORS.
-100 years from now, if a scientific theory 'found' in the Quran is disputed, does that mean the Quran is wrong?
-You can argue that the scientist translated the Quran erroneously but, it still casts the Quran in a not so good light to the disbelievers.
-There was a scientist/professor who proclaimed "There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his messengers" based on a single ayah in the Quran. I have previously posted it, the ayah that scientists/ various religious speakers have said proves the existence of pain receptors in the skin because in the Quran it says that the skin of the people in Hell will be replaced so that they may feel the punishment again.
-What if 1000 years from now, scientists discover that pain receptors in the skin aren't actually responsible for sensation of pain?
Thoughts? Comments? Opinions?
Angels & Demons is out in the theatres right now in Perth but I don't think I will be going to watch it. Movies based on books are always of a great disappointment to me.
Anyways, can Science and Religion co exist? I believe the answer is Yes.
But what about trying to find evidence of science IN religion?
Here is a different perspective on the issue(in dot points)...(I did not get permission to reproduce this perspective so yeah, I don't think the person minds though and yeah, I added some things on my own):
-Scientific theories are produced by Man.
-Thus, prone to error?
-Many scientific theories are now being disputed.
-Hence the danger of trying to find science in religion OR trying to say Look here, my theory is in the Quran therefore it MUST be right OR trying to translate the words of the Quran to fit the scientific theory.
-The Quran is a miracle in itself.
-Not written by Man.
-PERFECT, NO ERRORS.
-100 years from now, if a scientific theory 'found' in the Quran is disputed, does that mean the Quran is wrong?
-You can argue that the scientist translated the Quran erroneously but, it still casts the Quran in a not so good light to the disbelievers.
-There was a scientist/professor who proclaimed "There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his messengers" based on a single ayah in the Quran. I have previously posted it, the ayah that scientists/ various religious speakers have said proves the existence of pain receptors in the skin because in the Quran it says that the skin of the people in Hell will be replaced so that they may feel the punishment again.
-What if 1000 years from now, scientists discover that pain receptors in the skin aren't actually responsible for sensation of pain?
Thoughts? Comments? Opinions?
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Raindrops keep falling on my head
Because it is raining...
1) I decided to pick my laundry that I had hung out to dry. I discovered that one of my most favourite tops has unexplainable stains all over it. My beige vest has blue splotches all over the front and back. I've tried stain remover and I've scrubbed till my knuckles got sore. It's still blue. I'm going to give it a spin in the washing machine and hope for the best. I would hate to have to resort to bleach. I don't want another white top in my wardrobe.
2) My wardrobe is leaking. The rain is heavy and the wind is strong. I heard the pitter patter of rain on my windows and I noticed my curtains and door moving ever so slightly. Then I heard something else... The ceiling in my built in wardrobe is leaking! All over my electronic items, clothes and books. I have just emailed my agent but we all know it will take quite some time before something is done about this leak. And the weather forecast shows that it's gona be a wet wet wet week. ):
3) I have no mood to study. Rain makes me want to snuggle in bed and read a book...except, my bed is not made and will be full of clothes if the leak gets worse and I have no new books to read.
4) I want to talk to you. Answer me. <3 monkeys
1) I decided to pick my laundry that I had hung out to dry. I discovered that one of my most favourite tops has unexplainable stains all over it. My beige vest has blue splotches all over the front and back. I've tried stain remover and I've scrubbed till my knuckles got sore. It's still blue. I'm going to give it a spin in the washing machine and hope for the best. I would hate to have to resort to bleach. I don't want another white top in my wardrobe.
2) My wardrobe is leaking. The rain is heavy and the wind is strong. I heard the pitter patter of rain on my windows and I noticed my curtains and door moving ever so slightly. Then I heard something else... The ceiling in my built in wardrobe is leaking! All over my electronic items, clothes and books. I have just emailed my agent but we all know it will take quite some time before something is done about this leak. And the weather forecast shows that it's gona be a wet wet wet week. ):
3) I have no mood to study. Rain makes me want to snuggle in bed and read a book...except, my bed is not made and will be full of clothes if the leak gets worse and I have no new books to read.
The First of Many Wrongs
Yesterday I did to someone what others had done to me. I claimed victim when it happened to me but I don't know how in this situation I had felt that it was the right thing to do.
Truly, only a part of me felt that way and the rest of me was begging me to not go ahead with it. But I did it. I thought I was being brave by taking the first step. I was wrong.
I was just being selfish. I had made that decision purely based on my own emotions and had not considered yours.
The second after I had done it, I knew it was not, in fact, the right thing to do. I was immediately filled with a sense of regret. I tried to undo what I had done. But I think it was one second too late.
I upset you the way so many others had upset me. Call me a hypocrite for I deserve a name more foul than that. I don't know what I should do now. I tried to apologise, to right the wrong but how can I... when I, so suddenly, ripped myself away?
A moment of weakness, an instant of being thoughtless...is this reason enough?
I was afraid of how I would feel if it had happened to me again. I did not know that I would still feel the same way if I did it to you.
I am, in so many ways, a coward. I make a decision and I can't live with the consequences. But, it was wrong what I did. I'm trying to make things right, if you let me.
If you're reading this, I am sorry.
Truly, only a part of me felt that way and the rest of me was begging me to not go ahead with it. But I did it. I thought I was being brave by taking the first step. I was wrong.
I was just being selfish. I had made that decision purely based on my own emotions and had not considered yours.
The second after I had done it, I knew it was not, in fact, the right thing to do. I was immediately filled with a sense of regret. I tried to undo what I had done. But I think it was one second too late.
I upset you the way so many others had upset me. Call me a hypocrite for I deserve a name more foul than that. I don't know what I should do now. I tried to apologise, to right the wrong but how can I... when I, so suddenly, ripped myself away?
A moment of weakness, an instant of being thoughtless...is this reason enough?
I was afraid of how I would feel if it had happened to me again. I did not know that I would still feel the same way if I did it to you.
I am, in so many ways, a coward. I make a decision and I can't live with the consequences. But, it was wrong what I did. I'm trying to make things right, if you let me.
If you're reading this, I am sorry.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Read On. Make a du'a for this sister.
Below is a true story I was told. I received an email from Fara* a few days ago. I will share it with you.
*All names have been changed to protect Fara’s* identity.
My name is Fara*. I am a Muslim.
It started 2 year ago, this addiction. It started with just one but the addiction got stronger and soon I needed more to feel satisfied. The attention I received gave me a high that put a smile on my face and a buzz in my ears. I secretly felt smug that nobody knew about the double life I was leading. On the outside, I was a pious Muslimah but inside, I played with the devil.
I had a separate account for my acts of mischief. I was careful to not let my two worlds collide. I did my best but before long, it became too difficult to keep the two separate as the acts of mischief increased in number and intensified. See how I prefer to use the word mischief? Sin, acts of sin but nobody knew. Only Allah. But then, Allah was at the back of my mind, furthest away from my thoughts as I engaged in acts of mischief.
Let me go back. When I first started, I was guilt ridden. I said Astaghfir Allah. But true repentance it was not. I had never experienced such a rush, I wanted more. They knew my weakest points and they played their strengths. I wanted more, I needed more.
I got bolder, committing acts of mischief in full view of others. But still, I was careful to make sure there were no other Muslims around. It was alright for the kaffirs to see me, it didn’t matter them. And Allah? Like I said… I didn’t really care and I figured, What the heck…I am going to hell anyways, might as well go all the way. Astaghfir Allah.
The problem with me was that I wanted more from the same people. I was tired of looking for new acts of mischief. I committed myself to one person, Jeff*. But Jeff* was married. Jeff* has a son. Last I heard, his wife is now expecting a baby girl. I didn’t care. He promised to marry me. He wasn’t happy with his wife. He was happy with me. I was giddily in love. But Jeff was just horny, forgive my crude words. All he wanted was sex. Each time we met, he would be asking for sex. We went past first base, and then second…but never sex. I don’t know what held me back. Maybe it was Allah, still in the back of my mind.
I left. I patted myself on the back for being a good girl and saying No but inside I was dying. I had given so much away and had received nothing in return. I had lost myself and I wanted the old me back. I craved for innocence and purity. I tried to get closer to Allah, I started practicing my Deen again. I went back to acts of mischief a few times. It got pretty bad at one point, if not for the help of a sister I had just met. Do you know I was nearly raped? It didn’t matter, I still felt like I had been raped.
Then I met Adam*. Adam* was the opposite of every other person I had known. He was MY polar opposite. I felt like I had finally met someone I had wanted to be with for the rest of my life. He made it easier for me to change. He gave me courage to delete the numerous phone numbers I had in my phone that I could call for acts of mischief. He reminded me that indeed, when nobody else was watching, only Allah could see me. He told me what I had previously known but coming from his mouth, it made all the difference. Alhamd lellah. I had lost all hope for myself but apparently, there was still someone who believed I could return to being a true Muslimah. Many new reverts marry early because they lack Islamic guidance at home and a good Muslim husband would help make the transition to Islam a lot easier, providing stability and guidance. That was how I felt, a born Muslimah, returning to her Deen. I wanted stability, support and someone to help me back up again should I stumble. I thought I saw this in Adam*.
Then Adam* left. I don’t want to go into details about reasons why but I feel myself faltering. I question whether my renewed faith had been because of Allah or because of Adam*. Had I done it only for his approval? Was I still the same girl all along? Is the core of my being bad such that even when I am good, I am still actually bad? I am scared to enter the vicious cycle again. I pray to Allah that He keep me strong in this moment of weakness. I could not possibly survive another round of physical, emotional and mental ‘torture’.
I have shared my story for several reasons. I want the Muslims who read this to keep a lookout for their brothers and sisters in Islam. Encourage them to participate in activities with other Muslims, don’t let them feel alone. InshaAllah if all the Muslims out there have each others’ backs, no one will fall into the hands of shaytan. Advice friends who have gone astray and may Allah reward you for your efforts. Lastly, I wish that you could make du’a for me.
My name is Fara. I am a MUSLIM.
*All names have been changed to protect Fara’s* identity.
My name is Fara*. I am a Muslim.
It started 2 year ago, this addiction. It started with just one but the addiction got stronger and soon I needed more to feel satisfied. The attention I received gave me a high that put a smile on my face and a buzz in my ears. I secretly felt smug that nobody knew about the double life I was leading. On the outside, I was a pious Muslimah but inside, I played with the devil.
I had a separate account for my acts of mischief. I was careful to not let my two worlds collide. I did my best but before long, it became too difficult to keep the two separate as the acts of mischief increased in number and intensified. See how I prefer to use the word mischief? Sin, acts of sin but nobody knew. Only Allah. But then, Allah was at the back of my mind, furthest away from my thoughts as I engaged in acts of mischief.
Let me go back. When I first started, I was guilt ridden. I said Astaghfir Allah. But true repentance it was not. I had never experienced such a rush, I wanted more. They knew my weakest points and they played their strengths. I wanted more, I needed more.
I got bolder, committing acts of mischief in full view of others. But still, I was careful to make sure there were no other Muslims around. It was alright for the kaffirs to see me, it didn’t matter them. And Allah? Like I said… I didn’t really care and I figured, What the heck…I am going to hell anyways, might as well go all the way. Astaghfir Allah.
The problem with me was that I wanted more from the same people. I was tired of looking for new acts of mischief. I committed myself to one person, Jeff*. But Jeff* was married. Jeff* has a son. Last I heard, his wife is now expecting a baby girl. I didn’t care. He promised to marry me. He wasn’t happy with his wife. He was happy with me. I was giddily in love. But Jeff was just horny, forgive my crude words. All he wanted was sex. Each time we met, he would be asking for sex. We went past first base, and then second…but never sex. I don’t know what held me back. Maybe it was Allah, still in the back of my mind.
I left. I patted myself on the back for being a good girl and saying No but inside I was dying. I had given so much away and had received nothing in return. I had lost myself and I wanted the old me back. I craved for innocence and purity. I tried to get closer to Allah, I started practicing my Deen again. I went back to acts of mischief a few times. It got pretty bad at one point, if not for the help of a sister I had just met. Do you know I was nearly raped? It didn’t matter, I still felt like I had been raped.
Then I met Adam*. Adam* was the opposite of every other person I had known. He was MY polar opposite. I felt like I had finally met someone I had wanted to be with for the rest of my life. He made it easier for me to change. He gave me courage to delete the numerous phone numbers I had in my phone that I could call for acts of mischief. He reminded me that indeed, when nobody else was watching, only Allah could see me. He told me what I had previously known but coming from his mouth, it made all the difference. Alhamd lellah. I had lost all hope for myself but apparently, there was still someone who believed I could return to being a true Muslimah. Many new reverts marry early because they lack Islamic guidance at home and a good Muslim husband would help make the transition to Islam a lot easier, providing stability and guidance. That was how I felt, a born Muslimah, returning to her Deen. I wanted stability, support and someone to help me back up again should I stumble. I thought I saw this in Adam*.
Then Adam* left. I don’t want to go into details about reasons why but I feel myself faltering. I question whether my renewed faith had been because of Allah or because of Adam*. Had I done it only for his approval? Was I still the same girl all along? Is the core of my being bad such that even when I am good, I am still actually bad? I am scared to enter the vicious cycle again. I pray to Allah that He keep me strong in this moment of weakness. I could not possibly survive another round of physical, emotional and mental ‘torture’.
I have shared my story for several reasons. I want the Muslims who read this to keep a lookout for their brothers and sisters in Islam. Encourage them to participate in activities with other Muslims, don’t let them feel alone. InshaAllah if all the Muslims out there have each others’ backs, no one will fall into the hands of shaytan. Advice friends who have gone astray and may Allah reward you for your efforts. Lastly, I wish that you could make du’a for me.
My name is Fara. I am a MUSLIM.
Miracles in the Quran
From: http://www.ummah.net/library/mirquran2/index.html
Study conducted by Dr. Tariq Al-Suwaidan. A Well known scholar from the Muslim Brotherhood, Ikhwan Al-muslimoon. Islamic Gateway ummah.net brings you a glimpse of this study.
Study conducted by Dr. Tariq Al-Suwaidan. A Well known scholar from the Muslim Brotherhood, Ikhwan Al-muslimoon. Islamic Gateway ummah.net brings you a glimpse of this study.
| Word/Meaning | Mentioned in the Quran | |
| Al-Dunya This world | 115 | |
| Al-Akhira The hereafter | 115 | |
| Word/Meaning | Mentioned in the Quran | |
| Al-Mala'ikah Angles | 88 | |
| Al-Shayateen Satan | 88 | |
| Word/Meaning | Mentioned in the Quran | |
| Al-Hayat Life | 145 | |
| Al-Maout Death | 145 | |
| Word/Meaning | Mentioned in the Quran | |
| Al-Rajul Man | 24 | |
| Al-Mar'ha Women | 24 | |
| Word/Meaning | Mentioned in the Quran | |
| Al-Shahr Month | 12 | |
| Word/Meaning | Mentioned in the Quran | |
| Al-Yahom Day | 365 | |
| Word/Meaning | Mentioned in the Quran | |
| Al-bahar Sea | 32 | |
| Al-bar Land | 13 | |
| If we add up the total words of both "sea" and "land" we get 45. Now if we do a simple calculation: 32/45 X 100% = 71.11111111% 13/45 X 100% = 28.88888888% Above is what we know today, the percentages of Water (Sea) and Land in the world. Yet another miracle in the Quran. | ||
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Only Allah knows
I thought I am different now, that I am wiser but I am not. I was clearly just in plain denial of what I have become.
Pathetic.
I have never felt so completely useless and upset with myself. My laptop is watching me cry, just like it has on other countless occasions.
I am dependent, I am needy. Sometimes I am selfish but most times, I try to please. I can be childish and I speak without thinking. I seek approval, I find it hard to get up and move on. I get inappropriate and I need to learn to shut up. I don't understand you but can you blame me? I don't even understand myself.
Save your pity. I have enough self pity to last me 2 life times. Don't tell me what I am, don't tell me what I'm not. I know myself best.
Do other 21 year olds feel the way I do? Sometimes? Anyone? Or is it just me and my inadequacies?
I can't wait to be forty. Maybe by then, I would have acquired common sense.
I need my Quran now. I feel like there's no one I can trust but Allah.
It's funny but I'll say that my 2 best friends are my Quran and my trusty ol laptop. They've seen me at my worst and yet, they are still here for me.
Please excuse me while I tell Allah how terrible I am feeling right now and how much I am hoping that He will make it better soon.
Pathetic.
I have never felt so completely useless and upset with myself. My laptop is watching me cry, just like it has on other countless occasions.
I am dependent, I am needy. Sometimes I am selfish but most times, I try to please. I can be childish and I speak without thinking. I seek approval, I find it hard to get up and move on. I get inappropriate and I need to learn to shut up. I don't understand you but can you blame me? I don't even understand myself.
Save your pity. I have enough self pity to last me 2 life times. Don't tell me what I am, don't tell me what I'm not. I know myself best.
Do other 21 year olds feel the way I do? Sometimes? Anyone? Or is it just me and my inadequacies?
I can't wait to be forty. Maybe by then, I would have acquired common sense.
I need my Quran now. I feel like there's no one I can trust but Allah.
It's funny but I'll say that my 2 best friends are my Quran and my trusty ol laptop. They've seen me at my worst and yet, they are still here for me.
Please excuse me while I tell Allah how terrible I am feeling right now and how much I am hoping that He will make it better soon.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Risky business
Everyone keeps telling me the same thing. They keep asking if I am sure. They question if I am serious about this. They doubt the possibility.
What do I do? Should I or should I not take that risk? Should I enjoy it while it lasts or back away before it ends?
I hate stereotypes because most of the time, they're true.
What do I do? Should I or should I not take that risk? Should I enjoy it while it lasts or back away before it ends?
I hate stereotypes because most of the time, they're true.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
MY TURN
How do you think I did? (:I had help from my housemate who had her first experience frying anchovies! Then afterwards, she helped me fry the remaining chickens while I did Dzuhr.
So, I just finished cooking a 2nd batch of rice and we have enough chicken to last til dinner tomorrow LOL.
I'm going to send this picture to my parents who doubt my cooking skills and laugh at me when I call my mom to ask her for recipes. Pffft.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Here is what I want to cook tomorrow
NASI LEMAK (:
Rice cooked with coconut cream, fried anchovies, prawn sambal (erm, something like chilli paste?), egg with chopped onions and chillis, deep fried chicken and slices of cucumber.
Unhealthy but really yummy.
Wish me luck, I don't want to burn down the new stove :b I hope my housemates will like it tomorrow once theyve tasted it hehe.
If they dont, I hope they practise being tactful :b
Let's play the Waiting Game.
Tonight I played the Waiting Game. I waited for my parents, F and Y to come on Skype.
My parents usually Skype with me on Friday nights but I guess there's a first time to everything.
F just didn't come online at all today. :/
Y promised to come online today before leaving for home.
F says I am impatient.
But tonight, I won the Waiting Game. It wasn't easy...I wasted hours just staring at my notes or the laptop screen doing absolutely nothing but waiting. It's now Saturday so the wait is officially over. I won dear friends, I won.
See me jumping up and down, full of joy, celebrating my triumph. It's true I am impatient but when you're worth it, I can wait a lifetime.
My parents usually Skype with me on Friday nights but I guess there's a first time to everything.
F just didn't come online at all today. :/
Y promised to come online today before leaving for home.
F says I am impatient.
But tonight, I won the Waiting Game. It wasn't easy...I wasted hours just staring at my notes or the laptop screen doing absolutely nothing but waiting. It's now Saturday so the wait is officially over. I won dear friends, I won.
See me jumping up and down, full of joy, celebrating my triumph. It's true I am impatient but when you're worth it, I can wait a lifetime.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Foto Friday
Because I am bored ): Because I don't want to read about urine production anymore. Because I want to show you what crappy photos I take when my digital camera forgot its own charger in a different continent.
So, for my first Foto Friday, y'all get to see what a potentially amazing cook I am and how I am totally ready to be a part time housewife/ part time doctor :b
The awesomeness that is my cheesecake! (: The crust is soo thick, because that's the way my housemate likes it. The top is soft because my freezer has no space for a cheesecake. All in all, I think its alright. First time making it on my own without a brother to boss around and do all the hard manual labour for me.
This recipe is different because I've had to make a cheesecake without GELATINE. The asian shop near my house does not stock up on halal gelatine *shakes fists at them. I think that also partly contributes to the softness of the cheesecake. Next time, Im going to make an oreo cheesecake. Ive got tons of digestive biscuits leftover. Enough to make crusts for 3 cheesecakes. I hate shopping for groceries. I either buy too much or too little.
Mmm, whatever. I only uploaded this photo so that I can show them to my family when we Skype later.
So, for my first Foto Friday, y'all get to see what a potentially amazing cook I am and how I am totally ready to be a part time housewife/ part time doctor :b
The awesomeness that is my cheesecake! (: The crust is soo thick, because that's the way my housemate likes it. The top is soft because my freezer has no space for a cheesecake. All in all, I think its alright. First time making it on my own without a brother to boss around and do all the hard manual labour for me.
This recipe is different because I've had to make a cheesecake without GELATINE. The asian shop near my house does not stock up on halal gelatine *shakes fists at them. I think that also partly contributes to the softness of the cheesecake. Next time, Im going to make an oreo cheesecake. Ive got tons of digestive biscuits leftover. Enough to make crusts for 3 cheesecakes. I hate shopping for groceries. I either buy too much or too little.
Mmm, whatever. I only uploaded this photo so that I can show them to my family when we Skype later.
I want to repent but...
while Googling something that someone had shared with me, I came across this awesome text entitled 'I want to repent, but...'
Here is the link for you to download the text: http://www.islamhouse.com/p/51819
The text addresses issues related to repentance and is most useful for those who are hesitant or unsure about repenting.
Proof that this text is an awesome read:
The problem is that many people nowadays do not place their hope and fear in Allaah. They disobey Him by committing all manner of sins, day and night. There are those who are being tested by the idea of regarding sins as insignificant, so you may see one of them regarding certain “minor sins” as inconsequential, so he might say, “What harm can it possibly do if I look at or shake hands with a (non-mahram) woman?” They think nothing of looking at women in magazines and on TV shows. Some of them, when they are told that this is haraam, may even facetiously ask, “So how bad can it be? Is it a major sin or a minor sin ?” Compare this attitude with that reflected in the following reports narrated by Imaam al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him):>Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “You do things which in your eyes are less significant than a hair, but at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), we used to count them as things that could destroy a man.”Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The believer regards his sin as if he were sitting beneath a mountain which he fears may fall on him, whereas the sinner regards his sin as if a fly lands on his nose and he swipes it away.”
Such a great and important matter must necessarily have conditions attached to it. The scholars have described the conditions of repentance, based on the Qur’aan and Sunnah. They include:
Immediate cessation of the sin.
Regret for what is past.
Determination not to return to the sin.
Restitution of victims’ rights, or seeking their forgiveness.
Abu Sa’eed Sa’d ibn Maalik ibn Sinaan al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There was among the people who came before you a man who killed ninety-nine people. Then he asked about the most knowledgeable person on earth, and was directed to a hermit, so he went to him, told him that he had killed ninety-nine people, and asked if he could be forgiven.
Here is the link for you to download the text: http://www.islamhouse.com/p/51819
The text addresses issues related to repentance and is most useful for those who are hesitant or unsure about repenting.
Proof that this text is an awesome read:
The problem is that many people nowadays do not place their hope and fear in Allaah. They disobey Him by committing all manner of sins, day and night. There are those who are being tested by the idea of regarding sins as insignificant, so you may see one of them regarding certain “minor sins” as inconsequential, so he might say, “What harm can it possibly do if I look at or shake hands with a (non-mahram) woman?” They think nothing of looking at women in magazines and on TV shows. Some of them, when they are told that this is haraam, may even facetiously ask, “So how bad can it be? Is it a major sin or a minor sin ?” Compare this attitude with that reflected in the following reports narrated by Imaam al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him):>Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “You do things which in your eyes are less significant than a hair, but at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), we used to count them as things that could destroy a man.”Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The believer regards his sin as if he were sitting beneath a mountain which he fears may fall on him, whereas the sinner regards his sin as if a fly lands on his nose and he swipes it away.”
Such a great and important matter must necessarily have conditions attached to it. The scholars have described the conditions of repentance, based on the Qur’aan and Sunnah. They include:
Immediate cessation of the sin.
Regret for what is past.
Determination not to return to the sin.
Restitution of victims’ rights, or seeking their forgiveness.
Abu Sa’eed Sa’d ibn Maalik ibn Sinaan al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There was among the people who came before you a man who killed ninety-nine people. Then he asked about the most knowledgeable person on earth, and was directed to a hermit, so he went to him, told him that he had killed ninety-nine people, and asked if he could be forgiven.
The hermit said, ‘No,’ so he killed him, thus completing one hundred. Then he asked about the most knowledgeable person on earth and was directed to a scholar. He told him that he had killed one hundred people, and asked whether he could be forgiven.
The scholar said, ‘Yes, what could possibly come between you and repentance? Go to such-and-such a town, for in it there are people who worship Allaah. Go and worship with them, and do not go back to your own town, for it is a bad place.”
So the man set off, but when he was halfway there, the angel of death came to him, and the angels of mercy and the angels of wrath began to argue over him. The angels of mercy said: ‘He had repented and was seeking Allaah.’ The angels of wrath said: ‘He never did any good thing.’
An angel in human form came to them, and they asked him to decide the matter. He said: ‘Measure the distance between the two lands (his home town and the town he was headed for), and whichever of the two he is closest to is the one to which he belongs.’
So they measured the distance, and found that he was closer to the town for which he had been headed, so the angels of mercy took him.” (Agreed upon). According to a report in al-Saheeh: “The righteous town was a hand-span closer, so he was counted as one of its people.” According to another report in al-Saheeh: “Allaah commanded (the evil town) to move away, and (the righteous town) to move closer, and said: ‘Measure the distance between them,’ and they found him to be a hand-span closer to the righteous town, so he was forgiven.”
Orthodox Activist
Brendon O'Connell is a 38 year old Australian man who has been charged under racial vilification laws for ALLEGEDLY posting up anti Semitic videos on his youtube account.
He faces up to 14 years in prison.
Check him out on youtube under the username: OrthodoxActivist
before his videos get taken down! QUICK NOW NOW NOW.
He faces up to 14 years in prison.
Check him out on youtube under the username: OrthodoxActivist
before his videos get taken down! QUICK NOW NOW NOW.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Hijabs and Girls.
For me, the hijab is more than just carrying out a religious duty. Over the years, my hijab has transformed into a safety mechanism. I dont know if others feel the same way but my hijab makes me feel protected. Someone commented that when I wear hijab, my face totally cant be seen when viewed from the side.
I turned and gave him a wide smile while saying "And that's just the way I like it."
Back at home, I am not very close to my extended family. My father was the only university graduate from his side of the family and my mother was the only university graduate on her side too. So you know, sibling rivalry within their families exist. What I am going to tell you next involves only family on my dad's side. My maternal cousins are all much older or much younger. There aren't many that are in my age group, mostly boys. On my dad's side however, there are plenty of female cousins, all within my age group. Naturally, people start comparing.
So brains vs. beauty. I wont say that I am more intelligent than the rest of my female cousins but let's just say academically, I have achieved more than them. I also mentioned in a previous post (I think), that I am the only one to wear hijab. I have now been stereotyped as the hijab wearing, religion abiding girl. No room for mistakes for me. I have to be the perfect muslimah. I don't mind this stereotype because in a way, it helps me stay good (:
However, rivalry exists and since my aunts' children lost out in the brains department, they all want to trump me in the beauty department.
I always wear hijab when they come over to my house or when I go over to their homes. Yes, the man who married your father's sister is NOT mahram. I am going to kick the next person who tells me that he is. My aunts always make a big deal of the fact that I have hijab on. They will say "Oh, take it off. He is your uncle. There is no problem." But I refuse and keep my hijab on.
Sometimes, even when the non mahrams leave, my hijab still stays on because...
1) I like hijab.
2) I put effort into ironing my hijab.
3) Not taking it off just for you, who do you think you are?
4) Bad hair day.
5) I know all you want to do is see how I look without hijab and compare me to your daughters.
I know number 5 happens because it HAS happened. Right infront of me. Aunts commenting about my weight, my hair, my body's stats. Like hungry lionesses pouncing on a baby goat. I was dissected and each part of me reviewed ): One time I took off hijab after they all left and one aunt came back up to grab her purse because she forgot it, she saw my colored hair. (ya ya shush about the colored hair. it was a mistake. i got in major big time trouble with my dad so please, dont start nagging too.)
She went like "OHHHH. You colored your hair!! When did you do it? What color is it?" I just gave her a nervous smile and quickly closed the door.
The next day, okay probably that same night, half the extended family knew I had colored hair and that I am really a bad girl under the hijab. totally. *rolls eyes
Pleaseeeee stop comparing me to your daughters. I can't stand it. We are not even in the same leagues. Too different. No basis for comparison. ): You have to be fair when comparing us. You have to imagine me wearing clothes similar to theirs or imagine them wearing clothes similar to mine. My aunts think my fashion sense sucks because when I was like 15, they sneaked a peek of baggy jeans under my abaya. It's ok aunties, I don't mind being ugly in your eyes. Please stop trying to justify your opinion of the way I look. Really, I don't mind me so you shouldn't too. Be glad that your daughters are beautiful, skinny enough to fit into half a pair of skinny jeans and don't look weird with bleached blond hair...I don't really want to look like that so yeah (:
Anyways, my point is, dont be surprised if you see me wearing hijab among my aunts. They're my mahram yes but man, they wont quit checking me out!!
I turned and gave him a wide smile while saying "And that's just the way I like it."
Back at home, I am not very close to my extended family. My father was the only university graduate from his side of the family and my mother was the only university graduate on her side too. So you know, sibling rivalry within their families exist. What I am going to tell you next involves only family on my dad's side. My maternal cousins are all much older or much younger. There aren't many that are in my age group, mostly boys. On my dad's side however, there are plenty of female cousins, all within my age group. Naturally, people start comparing.
So brains vs. beauty. I wont say that I am more intelligent than the rest of my female cousins but let's just say academically, I have achieved more than them. I also mentioned in a previous post (I think), that I am the only one to wear hijab. I have now been stereotyped as the hijab wearing, religion abiding girl. No room for mistakes for me. I have to be the perfect muslimah. I don't mind this stereotype because in a way, it helps me stay good (:
However, rivalry exists and since my aunts' children lost out in the brains department, they all want to trump me in the beauty department.
I always wear hijab when they come over to my house or when I go over to their homes. Yes, the man who married your father's sister is NOT mahram. I am going to kick the next person who tells me that he is. My aunts always make a big deal of the fact that I have hijab on. They will say "Oh, take it off. He is your uncle. There is no problem." But I refuse and keep my hijab on.
Sometimes, even when the non mahrams leave, my hijab still stays on because...
1) I like hijab.
2) I put effort into ironing my hijab.
3) Not taking it off just for you, who do you think you are?
4) Bad hair day.
5) I know all you want to do is see how I look without hijab and compare me to your daughters.
I know number 5 happens because it HAS happened. Right infront of me. Aunts commenting about my weight, my hair, my body's stats. Like hungry lionesses pouncing on a baby goat. I was dissected and each part of me reviewed ): One time I took off hijab after they all left and one aunt came back up to grab her purse because she forgot it, she saw my colored hair. (ya ya shush about the colored hair. it was a mistake. i got in major big time trouble with my dad so please, dont start nagging too.)
She went like "OHHHH. You colored your hair!! When did you do it? What color is it?" I just gave her a nervous smile and quickly closed the door.
The next day, okay probably that same night, half the extended family knew I had colored hair and that I am really a bad girl under the hijab. totally. *rolls eyes
Pleaseeeee stop comparing me to your daughters. I can't stand it. We are not even in the same leagues. Too different. No basis for comparison. ): You have to be fair when comparing us. You have to imagine me wearing clothes similar to theirs or imagine them wearing clothes similar to mine. My aunts think my fashion sense sucks because when I was like 15, they sneaked a peek of baggy jeans under my abaya. It's ok aunties, I don't mind being ugly in your eyes. Please stop trying to justify your opinion of the way I look. Really, I don't mind me so you shouldn't too. Be glad that your daughters are beautiful, skinny enough to fit into half a pair of skinny jeans and don't look weird with bleached blond hair...I don't really want to look like that so yeah (:
Anyways, my point is, dont be surprised if you see me wearing hijab among my aunts. They're my mahram yes but man, they wont quit checking me out!!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Why won't you say you love me?
Is it because I am not worthy?
Oh, won't you just tell me?
So I can make you into nothing but a memory.
***
A is getting married to N soon (: Wonderful news MashaAllah. A is so so so sweet and I believe N is too. I can't wait for their baby because oh, the baby will be gorgeous. Wish I could fly to F and attend their wedding.
Is it because I am not worthy?
Oh, won't you just tell me?
So I can make you into nothing but a memory.
***
A is getting married to N soon (: Wonderful news MashaAllah. A is so so so sweet and I believe N is too. I can't wait for their baby because oh, the baby will be gorgeous. Wish I could fly to F and attend their wedding.
Miracles in the Quran: Pain receptors
"Those who reject our signs, We shall soon cast into the Fire; as often as their skins are roasted through, We shall change them for fresh skins, that they may taste the Penalty: for Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise." [Al-Qur’an 4:56]
Not too long ago, it was thought that the sense of pain was solely dependent on the brain. However, recent science research has shown that there are pain receptors present in the skin. If these pain receptors were damaged, but the brain is still functioning, the person would still not be able to sense the pain.
Not too long ago, it was thought that the sense of pain was solely dependent on the brain. However, recent science research has shown that there are pain receptors present in the skin. If these pain receptors were damaged, but the brain is still functioning, the person would still not be able to sense the pain.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
The one thing I look forward to each day
So, let's get personal. I want to get married.
There, I've said it for the WWW to see.
There, I've said it for the WWW to see.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Miracles in the Quran : Embryology (taken from www.islam-guide.com)
"We created man from an extract of clay. Then We made him as a drop in a place of settlement, firmly fixed. Then We made the drop into an alaqah (leech, suspended thing, and blood clot), then We made the alaqah into a mudghah (chewed substance)... " (Quran, 23:12-14)
alaqah has three meanings: (1) leech, (2) suspended thing, (3) blood clot
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| Figure 1: Drawings illustrating the similarities in appearance between a leech and a human embryo at the alaqah stage. (Leech drawing from Human Development as Described in the Quran and Sunnah, Moore and others, p. 37, modified from Integrated Principles of Zoology, Hickman and others. Embryo drawing from The Developing Human, Moore and Persaud, 5th ed., p. 73.) |
| Figure 2: We can see in this diagram the suspension of an embryo during the alaqah stage in the womb (uterus) of the mother. (The Developing Human, Moore and Persaud, 5th ed., p. 66.) (Click on the image to enlarge it.) |
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| Figure 3: In this photomicrograph, we can see the suspension of an embryo (marked B) during the alaqah stage (about 15 days old) in the womb of the mother. The actual size of the embryo is about 0.6 mm. (The Developing Human, Moore, 3rd ed., p. 66, from Histology, Leeson and Leeson.) |
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| Figure 4: Diagram of the primitive cardiovascular system in an embryo during the alaqah stage. The external appearance of the embryo and its sacs is similar to that of a blood clot, due to the presence of relatively large amounts of blood present in the embryo. (The Developing Human, Moore, 5th ed., p. 65.) (Click on the image to enlarge it.) |  |
The next stage mentioned in the verse is the mudghah stage. The Arabic word mudghah means “chewed substance.” If one were to take a piece of gum and chew it in his or her mouth and then compare it with an embryo at the mudghah stage, we would conclude that the embryo at the mudghah stage acquires the appearance of a chewed substance. This is because of the somites at the back of the embryo that “somewhat resemble teethmarks in a chewed substance.”(see figures 5 and 6).
| Figure 5: Photograph of an embryo at the mudghah stage (28 days old). The embryo at this stage acquires the appearance of a chewed substance, because the somites at the back of the embryo somewhat resemble teeth marks in a chewed substance. The actual size of the embryo is 4 mm. (The Developing Human, Moore and Persaud, 5th ed., p. 82, from Professor Hideo Nishimura, Kyoto University, Kyoto, Japan.) |
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Thursday, May 7, 2009
Me to You
I hate feeling like you don't want me around and that you're ashamed of me. I wish it didn't have to be so complicated. I wish ... I want to stop wishing because it's clear now that none of them will ever be granted but still, it is so difficult to let go.
Tomorrow is FRIDAY. I can't believe it. Looking forward to getting that medical appointment over and done with, arrival of electrician at 12 noon, learning about cells in the female reproductive system from 1-3pm and a movie in the evening.
Sometimes, one big thing brings me down but then I have all these other little things that cheer me up. They don't necessarily cancel each other out but hey, it's better than nothing.
Now, I am trying to stay up as my housemates are having pancakes and ice cream for supper. Oh I am so full but...its pancakes and ice cream. I'd be crazy to refuse.
Tomorrow is FRIDAY. I can't believe it. Looking forward to getting that medical appointment over and done with, arrival of electrician at 12 noon, learning about cells in the female reproductive system from 1-3pm and a movie in the evening.
Sometimes, one big thing brings me down but then I have all these other little things that cheer me up. They don't necessarily cancel each other out but hey, it's better than nothing.
Now, I am trying to stay up as my housemates are having pancakes and ice cream for supper. Oh I am so full but...its pancakes and ice cream. I'd be crazy to refuse.
Remember to remember me.
So last night after all the fun my housemates and I had, I sat down at the computer and started listening to a lecture on infertility.
Then it came. That awful pain in my left chest. My left arm got all tingly and before I knew it, my fingers were icy cold. I just sat and waited for the pain to go away but the pain was different from the last time. It wasn't sharp, it wasn't short. It was long and it ached.
My housemates came into my room and chatted with me, made me a mug of hot Milo and soon, the pain was bearable.
I got up this morning and my chest-shoulder region aches so bad.
I know it's not an infarction and it's not angina. I'm hoping its some muscular thing or nerve entrapment but I don't know if it happens along this region.
My heart rate was 88bpm, just me sitting on the floor. I checked my heart sounds this morning and both S1 and S2 were present and normal, regular and strong.
I have an appointment with the uni medical centre at 840am tomorrow morning. I hope I get up in time. They did not have any appointments today, only for urgent cases. I am thinking that what they mean by urgent is...if you are feeling unwell and need a medical certificate as you have a test today. If you dont have a test and you can just sit at home and afford to not get into trouble in uni, then youre not an urgent case. I almost said Alright, no thanks I wont have the 840am appointment but my auto mouth said yes.
I just feel so reluctant because when Im there, i will not be having these pains and they will probably just put everything down to stress. If youre in uni, and you have pains that arent supposed to be happening, youre either stressed or depressed. I hate stereotypes.
Last night I was scared to go to sleep because I was afraid that I might fall unconscious in bed and no one will know. Do my housemates know CPR? Lol. But, death doesnt discriminate and I could die right now while typing this.
What will I be remembered for? My pranks? My crankiness? My serious face? My ultra lame jokes? My love for chocolates?
I hope it's something good though.
Then it came. That awful pain in my left chest. My left arm got all tingly and before I knew it, my fingers were icy cold. I just sat and waited for the pain to go away but the pain was different from the last time. It wasn't sharp, it wasn't short. It was long and it ached.
My housemates came into my room and chatted with me, made me a mug of hot Milo and soon, the pain was bearable.
I got up this morning and my chest-shoulder region aches so bad.
I know it's not an infarction and it's not angina. I'm hoping its some muscular thing or nerve entrapment but I don't know if it happens along this region.
My heart rate was 88bpm, just me sitting on the floor. I checked my heart sounds this morning and both S1 and S2 were present and normal, regular and strong.
I have an appointment with the uni medical centre at 840am tomorrow morning. I hope I get up in time. They did not have any appointments today, only for urgent cases. I am thinking that what they mean by urgent is...if you are feeling unwell and need a medical certificate as you have a test today. If you dont have a test and you can just sit at home and afford to not get into trouble in uni, then youre not an urgent case. I almost said Alright, no thanks I wont have the 840am appointment but my auto mouth said yes.
I just feel so reluctant because when Im there, i will not be having these pains and they will probably just put everything down to stress. If youre in uni, and you have pains that arent supposed to be happening, youre either stressed or depressed. I hate stereotypes.
Last night I was scared to go to sleep because I was afraid that I might fall unconscious in bed and no one will know. Do my housemates know CPR? Lol. But, death doesnt discriminate and I could die right now while typing this.
What will I be remembered for? My pranks? My crankiness? My serious face? My ultra lame jokes? My love for chocolates?
I hope it's something good though.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Of fish and chips and blue polka dots
Today I had dinner with my housemates while watching a scary movie. It was fun but the whole time, I was holding onto my phone expecting a call that never came. After that, we spent about a good 15 minutes playing pranks on each other. They were even ready with a camera, trying to record my spooked out reaction but I was all cool.
Today our stove+ oven came. Someone still has to come fix it because it was just the delivery guy who came. Tomorrow, maybe...we can use them.
Today I was promised lunch and dinner. I ate instant noodles for lunch and thank Allah for wonderful housemates who spent dinner with me.
Today I got ready to go out just to find out that no one was coming to pick me up.
Today I am disappointed.
What will tomorrow bring?
Today our stove+ oven came. Someone still has to come fix it because it was just the delivery guy who came. Tomorrow, maybe...we can use them.
Today I was promised lunch and dinner. I ate instant noodles for lunch and thank Allah for wonderful housemates who spent dinner with me.
Today I got ready to go out just to find out that no one was coming to pick me up.
Today I am disappointed.
What will tomorrow bring?
MORMONS
Yikes, there were loud knocks on the door so I went down to check.
We don't lock our screen door so the minute I opened the door, I saw 2 guys in white shirts and black pants, holding the screen door open.
My first thought: S***, I've been discovered.
They said: Do you have 2 minutes to spare to listen to us?
My second thought: Okay, why not?
They then welcomed themselves into my home. OMYGOSH KILL ME NOW I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO TALK TO ME FROM OUTSIDE.
No, I was not going to slam the door into their faces.
They asked: Whats your name?
I said: Nadia
They said: Wow, thats a wonderful name.
They asked: Do you have any religious background at all?
I said: Yeah, Im Muslim.
They said: Excellent!
Blah blah blah, the works of Jesus Christ being carried out by a living prophet, blah blah blah, native americans, blah blah blah, im from sydney hes from arizona, blah blah blah, no i was not brainwashed...i went in search of the truth on my own (Chill, i never said u were brainwashed...defensive much?) here's a free book for you, blah blah blah, can I just say a quick prayer?
I said: Yeah, go ahead.
And then he went on to say a prayer for me. Lol, I thought they were going to pray for themselves. He said may I be blessed for letting them into my house and that I read their book.
I dont know what I should have done? Maybe I should have just said No when they asked if I had time to spare but err, my mouth works on auto mode. I didnt think.
They were real nice and polite though. No, I'm not going to read The Book Of Mormon. I have no time ): I need to read my Quran.
Do you think it would work if Muslims went on a recruiting drive like this?
ps. Where is my stove + oven? Retravision, you lied to me.
We don't lock our screen door so the minute I opened the door, I saw 2 guys in white shirts and black pants, holding the screen door open.
My first thought: S***, I've been discovered.
They said: Do you have 2 minutes to spare to listen to us?
My second thought: Okay, why not?
They then welcomed themselves into my home. OMYGOSH KILL ME NOW I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO TALK TO ME FROM OUTSIDE.
No, I was not going to slam the door into their faces.
They asked: Whats your name?
I said: Nadia
They said: Wow, thats a wonderful name.
They asked: Do you have any religious background at all?
I said: Yeah, Im Muslim.
They said: Excellent!
Blah blah blah, the works of Jesus Christ being carried out by a living prophet, blah blah blah, native americans, blah blah blah, im from sydney hes from arizona, blah blah blah, no i was not brainwashed...i went in search of the truth on my own (Chill, i never said u were brainwashed...defensive much?) here's a free book for you, blah blah blah, can I just say a quick prayer?
I said: Yeah, go ahead.
And then he went on to say a prayer for me. Lol, I thought they were going to pray for themselves. He said may I be blessed for letting them into my house and that I read their book.
I dont know what I should have done? Maybe I should have just said No when they asked if I had time to spare but err, my mouth works on auto mode. I didnt think.
They were real nice and polite though. No, I'm not going to read The Book Of Mormon. I have no time ): I need to read my Quran.
Do you think it would work if Muslims went on a recruiting drive like this?
ps. Where is my stove + oven? Retravision, you lied to me.
Sharing what someone shared with me.
Surat Al-Kahf (The Cave) - سورة الكهف
Muhsin Khan
: Musa (Moses) said to him (Khidr) "May I follow you so that you teach me something of that knowledge (guidance and true path) which you have been taught (by Allah)?" 
Muhsin Khan
: He (Khidr) said: "Verily! You will not be able to have patience with me! 
Muhsin Khan
: "And how can you have patience about a thing which you know not?" 
Muhsin Khan
: Musa (Moses) said: "If Allah will, you will find me patient, and I will not disobey you in aught." 
Muhsin Khan
: He (Khidr) said: "Then, if you follow me, ask me not about anything till I myself mention it to you." 
Muhsin Khan
: So they both proceeded, till, when they embarked the ship, he (Khidr) scuttled it. Musa (Moses) said: "Have you scuttled it in order to drown its people? Verily, you have committed a thing "Imra" (a Munkar - evil, bad, dreadful thing)." 
Muhsin Khan
: He (Khidr) said: "Did I not tell you, that you would not be able to have patience with me?" 
Muhsin Khan
: [Musa (Moses)] said: "Call me not to account for what I forgot, and be not hard upon me for my affair (with you)." 
Muhsin Khan
: Then they both proceeded, till they met a boy, he (Khidr) killed him. Musa (Moses) said: "Have you killed an innocent person who had killed none? Verily, you have committed a thing "Nukra" (a great Munkar - prohibited, evil, dreadful thing)!" 
Muhsin Khan
: (Khidr) said: "Did I not tell you that you can have no patience with me?" 
Muhsin Khan
: [Musa (Moses)] said: "If I ask you anything after this, keep me not in your company, you have received an excuse from me." 
Muhsin Khan
: Then they both proceeded, till, when they came to the people of a town, they asked them for food, but they refused to entertain them. Then they found therein a wall about to collapse and he (Khidr) set it up straight. [Musa (Moses)] said: If you had wished, surely, you could have taken wages for it!" 
Muhsin Khan
: (Khidr) said: "This is the parting between me and you, I will tell you the interpretation of (those) things over which you were unable to hold patience. 
Muhsin Khan
: "As for the ship, it belonged to Masakin (poor people) working in the sea. So I wished to make a defective damage in it, as there was a king after them who seized every ship by force. 
Muhsin Khan
: "And as for the boy, his parents were believers, and we feared lest he should oppress them by rebellion and disbelief. 
Muhsin Khan
: "So we intended that their Lord should change him for them for one better in righteousness and near to mercy. 
Muhsin Khan
: "And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town; and there was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was a righteous man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord. And I did it not of my own accord. That is the interpretation of those (things) over which you could not hold patience."So, what did you guys get out of reading this? I learnt that sometimes what we perceive to be true may not be actually be right. What we judge as a bad thing to happen to us could in fact be something good in disguise, or it happened to prevent something worst from happening.
Allah knows best (:
Monday, May 4, 2009
Why I am ):
1) I sleep at odd hours and wake up at even more odd hours.
2) I eat one meal a day.
3) I'm gaining weight (see point above).
4) I cleaned my room a few days back and now all my books are on the floor again.
5) I can't see my bed, too many things on it.
6) I am not Saudi.
7) I am only 21, too young.
8) My friend died, killing herself and her unborn child.
9) My wardrobe is no longer color coded.
10) I have been believing without understanding. Now, the journey towards comprehension starts.
11) I need blender + electric mixer + stove + oven (last 2 coming on Wednesday, inshaAllah).
12) I got trumped by Dina, a girl from Egypt.
13) My family ignored me for MacDs.
14) I have an empty photo frame on my table. It says: Friends, through thick and thin.
2) I eat one meal a day.
3) I'm gaining weight (see point above).
4) I cleaned my room a few days back and now all my books are on the floor again.
5) I can't see my bed, too many things on it.
6) I am not Saudi.
7) I am only 21, too young.
8) My friend died, killing herself and her unborn child.
9) My wardrobe is no longer color coded.
10) I have been believing without understanding. Now, the journey towards comprehension starts.
11) I need blender + electric mixer + stove + oven (last 2 coming on Wednesday, inshaAllah).
12) I got trumped by Dina, a girl from Egypt.
13) My family ignored me for MacDs.
14) I have an empty photo frame on my table. It says: Friends, through thick and thin.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
I want to make cheesecake.
So I woke up this morning to wait for the arrival of the carpenter so he can fix our pergola. The carpenter called me yesterday and today at 9am to remind me that he was coming at 10am. I was impressed. I thought, this is one efficient dude.
He came, I opened the door. He looked shocked at my hijab+jumper+PJ combo. I've got the most colorful PJs you can ever imagine. Obviously, the colors didnt go down very well with him.
So he drilled and he hammered, causing the airconditioning panel in my room to fall off. Excellent job mate. After a long period of silence, I decided to check on his progress. The carpenter had disappeared. He fixed the wooden planks and left. He didnt even tell me he was leaving. He also left a mess of wooden splinters everywhere.
Not so efficient after all. I have no idea when he is coming next but hey, Alhamdulillah my 1/2 pergola is now 3/4 pergola (:
Then I went to uni for histo classes.
Oh, my oven and stove are still not replaced. After a barrage of emails, and a few calls, still no progress. Seriously, it's been 3 months since we first informed our agent for the need to replace our non functioning oven and our black smoke producing stove.
Doesn't ANYBODY work around here??!!
Cheesecake in the near future, inshaAllah. Chilled, not baked.
This is what my brother and I made last time I was home. Kiwi Lemon cheese cake. I know, we're cool like that. LOL
He came, I opened the door. He looked shocked at my hijab+jumper+PJ combo. I've got the most colorful PJs you can ever imagine. Obviously, the colors didnt go down very well with him.
So he drilled and he hammered, causing the airconditioning panel in my room to fall off. Excellent job mate. After a long period of silence, I decided to check on his progress. The carpenter had disappeared. He fixed the wooden planks and left. He didnt even tell me he was leaving. He also left a mess of wooden splinters everywhere.
Not so efficient after all. I have no idea when he is coming next but hey, Alhamdulillah my 1/2 pergola is now 3/4 pergola (:
Then I went to uni for histo classes.
Oh, my oven and stove are still not replaced. After a barrage of emails, and a few calls, still no progress. Seriously, it's been 3 months since we first informed our agent for the need to replace our non functioning oven and our black smoke producing stove.
Doesn't ANYBODY work around here??!!
Cheesecake in the near future, inshaAllah. Chilled, not baked.
This is what my brother and I made last time I was home. Kiwi Lemon cheese cake. I know, we're cool like that. LOL
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