Hurting

I tried to be what I thought you wanted. I convinced myself that this was me, that this was what I have always wanted to be. I will stop today. I don't know how else to explain the feelings I am suppressing. They are welled up in my throat.

I feel like I don't know who I am. When did I start depending on someone else to tell me how much I am worth? Right now, I feel like nothing.

All these people, they lied to me. They said all these good things about me but those praises were lies. If I am as good as they said I am, then how come you don't see it?

Blogspot hates me

Somehow I can't view my own blog so I'll respond to comments here for the time being.

Saafir,
I think men have more self control than they claim to possess (: Here's my take on how men and women differ when they stare.

Man stares at other man with long beard.
*thinks: Darn, that guy's beard rocks. Better than mine

Woman stares at other woman with long hair.
*thinks: Darn, that girl's hair rocks. Probably fake.

And, nope your answer is wrong. Assume they all have ample space to sit, either on a chair or on the floor.

Adib,
I think females have minds that are just as imaginative as males.
And, try the brain teaser. Think, think!! What's that imaginative mind for? Lol

Sick Sundays

Fever, Cough, Headache, Nauseous --> Ultimate combo

I feel sick..the lady who took my temperature at the masjid almost didn't let me in because of the H1N1 flu going around. However, she changed her mind because my temperature dropped by 0.6degree Celsius when she took it a second time.

I almost wished she had refused me entry because I had to sit through 3 hours of activities that shouldn't be held in a masjid.

Also, when I walked into the masjid, all the ladies looked me up, down and around (lol). Checking out my dress (brandless), my jeans (Target, yo), toe socks, hijab and absence of bling.


Oh, and another weird thing. They had the ladies sitting infront. I mean, forget about all that equality/feminist thing... I actually prefer sitting behind the men.

Ok, here's a brain teaser...

In a crowded room, where can everyone else sit that you can't?

TRAITOR

One of the worst movies I've ever watched. However, Said Taghmaoui was the reason I watched the movie till the end.

I would say, he's worth a Google Image search LOL

Now back to my MSN debate about abortion. It's pretty intense.

I hate how children born out of wedlock are unfairly treated. Does this problem exist in your community?

It seems that everyone here believes that a child born out of wedlock is destined to turn out bad. I mean, they're refusing to touch the innocent baby because hey, he was born out of wedlock.

No lady, wedlock is not a virus you can catch by touching the baby.

PS. lady, wedlock means marriage

Crime of Patience

I am so damn tired of waiting for the perfect one because when you really look at things, they're all the same anyways.

They're just packaged differently, produced in different countries but marketed the same way.



I don't know about you but I'm not gona pay extra $$ for something that I could get at half the price at the local store.

Modesty: Outraged

Today I got molested by accident.

Mom, brother and I had just returned from lunch and we were at the main door to my dad's office. One of the men who works there was standing at the door, holding the door half open, and checking out the ladies at the end of the walkway. So I stood a respectable distance away, infront of my mom.
The man then turned, extending his arms for some unknown reason. He brushed across my whole chest before almost walking into my mom. I did not have time to back away. He immediately apologised, more to me than my mom. Mom had no idea why I was so upset until I told her later. Mom told dad and he blamed us for standing too close.

Yeah, right. Like I knew the idiot was going to turn and extend his arms.

Anyways, I was upset and my friend asked me why. I told my friend about this incident...and what I received was "Did you like it?"

There are too many perverse people around.



on a totally unrelated note,

bebsi
avocoda juice
headache --> take bills
sween flu

Something for you to read

Someone from the travel agency just called home to check with my mom about my elder brother who just returned from umrah yesterday. Apparently, someone from Saudi immigration had called up the travel agency, asking why my brother was still in Saudi today.

Erm, he came home yesterday? Lol.

He bought me an abaya and many awesome scarves. His friend's mom also gave me (okay, my mom) loads of henna and pretty stencils. So now I have a fantastic henna design on my hand.

The housing agent in Perth has suggested a $25 weekly increment to our rent. Apparently, it is effective IMMEDIATELY. So the rent we have previously paid is not enough and we have to cover the shortfall. This is totally rubbish. It's so much more convenient to pay rent monthly but when the agent does something like this, weekly rent sounds a whole lot cheaper. So now, we have to pay maybe an additional $75.
Also, this agent has arranged for a house inspection about 5 times previously. She never showed up. Yesterday she had the nerve to ask me if she could do a house inspection and today she asked if there would be anyone home. Yeah right lady. Last time I stayed home to wait for you and you never turned up.

SP4M

Which part of me looks like I need to 'Add 3 inches' or 'FR33 TRI4L TO INCR34S3 M4NH00D'?

Spam, I hate you.


Other than the fact that I am venting about the daily spam I get regarding my non existent manhood, I would also like to tell you that today is the second time I watched the same movie at the cinemas (night @ the museum 2). It's like my first time watching a movie twice...but the tickets here cost half of that in Australia AND, they serve sweet popcorn. In Australia, I've only come across salty ones and I have a sweet tooth.

Also, Perth's International Airport's Lost and Found department screwed up, big time. I collected a camera on behalf of a friend and the airport staff gave me a wrong (but better) camera. BLAH. now I have to lug that dumb thing back to Australia. That stupid camera caused me loads of trouble...

What's in a name?

Today someone called me Nado and I felt so repelled by it. I was thinking that he had absolutely NO RIGHT to call me that.

No one else had ever called me that except one person. But seriously, NOW, NO ONE calls me that and I don't want anyone else to.

I was thinking of changing my name because every Nadia I know, knows another Nadia. My friend asked if I had a 2nd name and I said no. He was making a contact list...He already had a Nadia on that list so I suggested that he included my surname as well but wait, he already has that too.

My brother says I have a bus port name. The kind where you're in the middle of a crowded bus port and you shout "Nadia!" and ten million girls turn to look at you because you just called them.

HOME

Assalam alaykum everyone!

I'm home!! Thanks to all of you for your well wishes. I am going to catch up on my favourite hobby of all times --> Reading fiction books. I have 2 new ones at the moment. I need to get more tomorrow inshaAllah.

Will update more and reply to comments soon.

Take care (:

freaking out freaking out freaking out freaking out

6am - Fajr, revise notes
7am - shower, iron clothes
745am- leave home for Uni
820am - wait for H infront of MCS building
845am - arrive at exam venue
9am - the torture begins
12pm - the torture ends
1215pm - released from exam venue
1pm - arrive home, pack luggage like a mad woman, Dzuhr, lunch maybe
145pm - catch cab to airport
245pm - check in luggage
3pm - breathe, proceed to gate
355pm - flight leaves for home
915pm - HOME BABY HOME :D

InshaAllah


ps. Dad is gona freak if he knows I havent packed and I'm only planning to check in 1 hour before flight leaves. I've been trained to do it at least 2 hours before the flight and I've never strayed from this instruction. Yikes :/

Fourth Housemate

Assalam alaykum

Do you guys believe in ghosts/spirits? I don't.

Okay, story time.

Story #1
When we first moved into the house, everything seemed fine until one night, my housemate entered the bathroom and came out because she said it smelled too strongly of perfume. She then asked my other housemate and I if we had put on perfume in the bathroom. Nope, we didn't.

Story #2
I went downstairs to the kitchen late at night to get a drink and caught a strong whiff of the fragrant spray/softener that we use for ironing clothes. That area is open so for me to have smelled it, someone must have used it recently. I went upstairs and asked which of my housemates had just religiously ironed her clothes for the next day. It wasn't either of them.

Story #3
This is where it gets a little creepy. I was alone upstairs and everywhere else was dark. My door was open and my light was on. I was reading something on the net when I heard a whisper. It was loud enough for it to seem like the person whispered directly into my ear but still, it like came from outside my door. It was a female voice and she whispered "look left" to me. I ignored this and the whisper came a second time, prompting me to take a huge breath and look RIGHT, then look left. There was nothing but I was soooooo scared. By the way, she whispered to me in my Mother Tongue which later on, became sort of a joke because we always said that Aussie 'ghosts' would greet their victims with "Hows it going mate?" or something like that.

Story #4
My housemate heard people talking outside her room. She opened the door, there was noone.

Story #5
Just happened tonight. I was in the kitchen cooking as both my housemates had returned to their rooms. I caught a glance of someone in black walking up the stairs so I thought one of my housemates came back downstairs. I shouted from the kitchen, asking which of them came down. Both said it wasn't them.

One of our friends have heard a few of these stories and she claims that her brother can 'see' these beings. He has also been asked to help get rid of them when they were causing a huge disturbance. All I see is him looking into a huge crystal ball...
I don't know how he does it but apparently he's good at it. I'm scared that this might border on shirk because I don't want to enlist someone's help without knowing what exactly he'll be doing. Besides, I'd rather not know if there really is a presence in my home.

What do you guys think about this?

Foto Friday

Hello.

My exam was so-so [ had 2 arab invigilators during the anatomy section of my practical exam. one of them wouldn't stop looking at the only hijabi in class ie. ME Weird LOL. everytime I looked up from my paper, I'd catch him just turning away. hope he marks my paper? and is lenient because I am his sister in Islam :b ]
I had an awesome lunner (lunch +dinner?) yesterday.
My family left yesterday.
One more exam then I'm FREE.
Where are you?

Bye.

Quote of the week: You're like a drug baby.

The one who makes you cry isn't worth your tears. The one who's worth your tears, would never let you cry.



Don't judge me, I am suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms from my daily drug that is he. I went cold turkey for about 24 hours but then I caved.
Now, I've prescribed myself some histology and anatomy to try and ease the withdrawal symptoms as I set forth on my 2nd attempt at getting myself off this addiction.




Worth every single tear I've ever shed. Although I'm still very sad and disappointed at how things have turned out/not turned out (?!)

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?

I give up on you.

Autopilot

Having a really Off day at the moment. Wait, had an Off (yester)day and today. I did a few things I shouldn't have done.

I am at the top of a very slippery slope.

Sunday Smiles

Just had some food leftover from a barbie.

Cup of coffee and notes.

And the studying begins!!

PS. 2 exams (theory + practical) that I need to ace. Got a 69% on the recent test, which was below average but Alhamd lellah I passed.

PPS. yesterday I flipped open my anatomy atlas in the math lab and this dude sitting across me asked if I was doing Medicine. I wanted to say "No, I'm doing engineering just like you but I happen to like looking at pictures of cadavers and organs", but I didn't. I am unnecessarily sarcastic at times. Bad habit that needs to be changed.

I don't want to be 40...

I don't want to be 40 and still living with my parents because I was the only child who didn't get married and hence, the natural choice for my parents to live with.

I don't want to be 40 and be the doctor who's always covering shifts of other people because they took time off to be with their families/celebrate wedding anniversaries/welcoming the birth of their new baby.

I don't want to be 40 and still have my parents scold me for coming home past 11pm and pigging out on junk food.

I don't want to be 40 and still wondering where the hell I went wrong.

I am this close to giving up this lame degree. I don't see results even when I'm working hard. I am tired of hoping because hope never got me anywhere. Yes I want to be a doctor but no, I didn't sign up for all these extra emotional baggage that came along with studying abroad.

I'm 21 and I can't confidently tell you one thing that I've been proud to achieve.

Half past Four

Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home. Needs to go home.

Seriously, its 430am in the morning and I'm still in Uni. Im wide awake but my brain is rejecting any new information. I didn't even study much bahhhh. I ain't doing another all nighter. This doesn't work for me.

"You know, whatever happens...it won't be me."


A simple sentence, capturing the entire essence of the relationship. UNIT CODE: Way to break a girl's heart 101.

Attacked!

As most of you know, my family is here visiting me. Yesterday, my dad decided to bring us on a shopping trip to Westfield Carousel, which is a huge shopping centre located not far from where I live.

We entered the carpark and it was FULL with many cars still looking for lots. Late night shopping in the suburbs. I'm FOR shops opening past 5pm. But they did a recent vote/referendum (?) and most people didn't like that idea.

Anyways, like always, the girls and boys split up. I went with my mom and my 2 brothers with dad. I bought an awesome coat and all was still OK when the girls bumped into the boys in MYER. Then, mom and I headed to Target. I was queuing up at the Cashier's when I saw dad walking into Target, followed a few seconds later by my brothers. They caught up with him and exchanged a few words. I could see my brothers were distressed and my dad looked pissed. Then they walked OUT of Target.

After paying for stuff, I told mom about what happened. We left and I tried to call my brothers but there was no answer. Finally we saw the boys talking to a security guard. The security personnel were milling around Carousel, I saw plenty of them. They were all smartly dressed in their black suits and little earpieces stuck in their ear,looking all professional. I managed to get the story out of my brothers. I'll be referring to them as brother #2 and brother #4. OK?

Brother #2 decided that he wanted to look around at other shops instead of following dad to Target, so he asked brother #4 to tag along. They walked past a group of 6 big blonde beefy boys/men and 1 brunette kid/teen. They were all wearing hoodies and trucker caps, with multiple piercings. The lil kid had 3 piercings under his lower lip.

This was when brother #2 felt a sharp jab in his stomach. The kid had elbowed my brother straight in the stomach, for absolutely no reason. Brother #2 turned to look at the group properly and this was when the group changed direction and started to follow my brothers.

My brothers made the mistake of entering an empty Vodafone shop, allowing themselves to be cornered by the group. The group pushed brother #2 around until he fell to the ground, completely ignoring brother #4. Then, the beefy guys surrounded brother #2 and the kid took a swing at my brother's face. This was when brother #4 intervened, acting on impulse, and tried to grab the kid's arm.

The kid changed targets and moved on to brother #4, punching him on his cheek. Brother #2 was still struggling to get out from being surrounded by the beefy guys. The kid raised his arm again to punch brother #4 another time, but one of the beefy guys stopped him.

The kid went back to brother #2 and punched him on the nose. The group then nonchalantly walked out of Vodafone. There was a security camera that could have captured the entire scene but maybe it's just a false camera. There were also Vodafone staff and people sitting on benches outside Vodafone. They did nothing to intervene or assist.

We passed my contact number to the security personnel and the rest of the night, we kept seeing guards stopping random boys but none of these boys were the ones who had attacked my brothers. I think, they wont ever get caught.

I'm just really pissed because it was a crowded place and none of us expected this to happen in a a shopping centre with security personnel everywhere. The rest of the night was ruined. Brother #2 was angry because brother #4 got hurt trying to intervene and he could not do anything to help while brother #4was being punched.

I've been abused many times before in Australia but they have always been verbal or visual abuse, relating to the fact that I'm Muslim. The attack on my brothers were definitely not against muslims. I watched in the news about the attack on the indian students, and hear about saudi students being beaten up and now my brothers too.

I won't generalise and say that Australia is a racist nation because it's not. I'll just say white trash need to be taught a harsh lesson.

Dot Points -will expand later

• My 2 younger brothers got attacked and punched at the shopping centre just now.
• I was queuing up at Target when my brothers were attacked at Vodafone.
• My family is downstairs playing scrabble.
• My brother just called from Makkah/Madinah (I really have no idea actually where he is) to ask for my abaya size.
• I fit into size S for abaya..totally. What's S in number? He was looking at 52 -54 and said it looked huge.
  

Transsexual in Iran

SBS played 'Transsexual in Iran' yesterday night. This was when I realised I had no idea what the true definition of a trans/bi/homo sexual/gay/ lesbian was.

I have my Stedmans Medical Dictionary infront of me right now.

Transsexual: A person with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one gender but whose personal identification and psychosocial configuration are that of the opposite gender.

Bisexual: Having gonads of both sexes or a person who engages in both heterosexual and homosexual activities.

Homosexual: Relating to erotic attraction or activity including sexual congress between people of the same sex.

Gay: A homosexual, especially male.

Lesbian: A homosexual, especially female.

In Iran, it's legal to have a sex change operation if you have been tested and proven to be a transsexual. It is illegal to have homosexual activities.

There was a transsexual who was interviewed and he(pre operation) claimed that it was society's pressure that was forcing him to undergo the operation. If he was in a different country, he would have rights and he would not have to choose between being a male OR a female. He claimed that he would not touch Allah's creation and be happy with his sexual organs ALTHOUGH, it would be a very big sin "to do it from behind."

One year later, she (post operation) made a living out of being a temporary wife, like many other transsexuals. She had been disowned from her family and she could not work elsewhere as she was still being discriminated. She travels to different places and becomes "a temporary wife for an hour or so and this is legal." [I thought the practice of having temporary wives was frowned upon by the Prophet (peace be upon him)? Correct me if Im wrong.]

A government official writes them a letter giving permission for them to wear women clothings while waiting for the operation. This was to avoid being arrested by the morality police.

I thought the whole episode was pretty interesting, I wished it had gone more in depth. Well just sharing...

Love and such.

In fact, Islam encourages us to marry persons for whom we have special feelings and affinity. Thus, Islam recommends that potential marriage partners see one another before proposing marriage. Explaining the reason for such a recommendation, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “That would enhance/foster the bonding.”

This permission notwithstanding, we are advised against getting carried away by merely the outward appearances of a person; these may be quite misleading. Marriage is a life-long partnership and a person’s real worth is determined not by his or her physical looks, but more so by the inner person or character. Hence, after having mentioned that people ordinarily look for beauty, wealth and family in a marriage partner, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised us to consider primarily “the religious or character factor” over and above all other considerations."

Taken from: IslamOnline.Net

Laila & Majnun: Aussie style (a true story, not involving me *heh)

Laila was a pretty girl who just graduated from Uni. Shy as she was, she left it to her mother to find her a husband. Her mother had a few good friends with sons who were looking for wives. One of them was Aziz (ie. majnun because you'll see how crazy he is). Aziz was drop dead gorgeous and a true gentleman. He had finally outlived his wild teenage ways and was ready to settle down and start a family. Over the years, he grew a beard, started going to the mosque regularly and was earning a good income with his master's degree in engineering. Laila's mother and Aziz's mother met several times to discuss their potential match.

Aziz's mother told him about Laila and Aziz asked for a photo of her. This request was then related to Laila's mother who found a picture of Laila and passed it to Aziz's mother.
When Aziz saw the photo of Laila, he was amazed to see how beautiful she was. He then requested for another photo of Laila and this time, without a headscarf on.

You would assume that Aziz's mother would have told him that this request was impossible to fulfil but NO, she passed the request to Laila's mother.

You would then assume that Laila's mother would have told Aziz's mother that this request was impossible to fulfil but NO, she passed the request to Laila.

Laila baulked upon hearing the request. She was shocked and upset. She immediately told her mother that all bets were off and that she would not marry Aziz at ANY rate. Her mother kept trying to persuade her but Laila stood her ground and Aziz...well he missed out on marrying a great girl.

Aziz didn't understand WHY Laila was so upset because he was ready to marry her, all he wanted was to see her without hijab. Laila was so upset because she felt that all Aziz cared about was how her hair looked. Aziz said that in Islam, it was allowed for him to see his future bride. But what -I- learnt is that a man is only allowed to see a girl's face and her palms before wedding (correct me if I'm wrong!)

Seriously, hair is just hair. If Aziz found out that Laila had straight hair on their wedding night and he preferred curly hair instead, she could go to the salon the very next day to get her hair permed. If he liked it straight, she could get her hair to be straight in about 2 hours.

And, what about Love?
Is falling in love wrong? I have read up on this and it seems that love is just a feeling. A feeling of affinity or attraction towards someone. A feeling cannot be wrong and thus, it's not wrong to fall in love. It's how you handle the love that matters.
I also read that some people have a view that marriage should occur between 2 people who have very little affection for each other, so that the love can grow while they are married, strengthening the bond between 2 individuals.
But, I have also seen with my very own eyes, marriages that were arranged and started out loveless also ending in a loveless bitter divorce.
I don't know about you but I want to marry a man whom I know I love and can continue to love for the rest of my life.

What about you? If you are already married, was it an arranged marriage or were you in love before you got married?
If you aren't married, would you choose an arranged marriage or marry someone you've fallen in love with?

Hadeeth

Abu Hurayah (RA) said: "I heard the Prophet (SAW) say: The first person to be judged on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who was martyred. He will be brought forth and Allah will remind him of His blessings and he will recognize them.
Then he will be asked, 'What did you do with them?'.
He will say 'I fought for Your sake until I was martyred.'
Allah will say 'You have lied. You only fought so that people would say ,'He is courageous and brave,' and they did say it.'
Then He will order that he be dragged on his face and thrown into the Fire.

Then there will be a man who studied much and taught others and recited the Quran. He will be brought forth and Allah will remind of His blessings and he will recognize them.
Then he will be asked, 'What did you do with them?'
He will say 'I studied much and taught others and recited the Quran for Your sake.'
Allah will say 'You have lied. You studied so that people would say 'He is a great scholar,' and you recited the Quran so that they would say 'He is a qaari,' and they did say it.'
Then He will order that he be dragged on his face and thrown into the Fire.

Then there will be a man to whom Allah gave all types of wealth in abundance. He will be brought forth and Allah will remind him of His blessings and he will recognize them.
Then he will be asked, 'What did you do with them?'
He will say 'I have never seen any way in which You would like money to be spent for Your sake without spending it.'
Allah will say 'You have lied. You did that so people would say 'He is generous' and they did say it.'
Then He will order that he be dragged on his face and thrown into the Fire. "


'O you who believe! Cancel not your charity by reminders of your generosity or by injury- like those who spend their substance to be seen of men, but believe neither in Allah nor the Last Day. They are in parable like a hard barren rock on which is a little soil, on it falls heavy rain which leave it a bare rock. They will able to do nothing with aught they have earned. And Allah guides not those who reject faith.' Quran 2: 264

To remind someone of the charity you have given him cancels out the reward of the charity just like pouring water washes away any trace of soil on the rock. A reminder to avoid boasting and to always serve Allah alone, and not do things for the sake of others or to be seen by others

I am so bad at this. No wonder I am failing.